FUN! I Had Forgotten What That Word Meant

Friday, just as I was about to devour a late breakfast at my desk, I was surprised with an invitation to a Luncheon & Fashion Show.  It was dubbed a "kidnapping" by the executive office which was too funny, oh so welcomed, and very much appreciated.

I did not feel properly dressed in my black uniform but made the best of it, while trying not to focus too much on where I was.  Was not an easy task because most were more appropriately dressed but I was blessed because the ladies in the executive office made me feel very comfortable.  For the first time in a very long time, I felt like "one of the girls."  And that is saying far more than you can imagine, considering I have always been a loner.

The tables were lovely; and the food superb which is a major understatement.

• Autumn Gold Pumpkin Soup (YUMMM)
• Filet Mignon of Beef (cooked to perfection!)
• Colorado Red Mountain Trout (moist and not overly seasoned)
• Klondike Potato Pave (a curiosity for the eye but oh-so-gooooood)
• Belgian Chocolate DECADENCE (the caps coincide with the taste not what was printed. lol)*

*I was a, um, good girl with the dessert, though.  I left over half of it on the plate but wished I could have indulged to the delight of my taste buds.  They, each and every one, would have thanked me but oh well.  Luckily, my brain cells recorded every morsel.  In case you are wondering, yes, there was something green and healthy: steamed green beans that still tasted like green beans!

Okay, to more serious matters.

I learned about the organization, Newborn Hope, and their mission coated my old heart with joy and also some sadness while looking at the infants and children.  I miss my son so much.  Prompted by my love for him and wanting to give back, I made a small donation in his memory.  My little 7 lb 11 oz/21" Gerber baby twin became a hero when he placed himself in the path of a bullet to save the life of a nine-month-old boy and his young mother. So, it was fitting, don't you think? Oh, and I hope you consider helping their cause.  It is worthwhile.

FASHION SHOW!

This is when the FUN began and I found myself thrown back into my element.  The child models were outrageously delightful and, yes, I still had to fight back tears but they were so much fun to watch.  Their antics and even mishaps were refreshing.  But I wanted to see the adult fashions, as well as the models to check out their runway presence.

My Element

Once a fashion designer (couturier) and modeling instructor, my critique was on, y'all!  :-)  Oh, how I miss those days.  I started designing and sewing when I was 9, learning all I could from my mother who would later declare to many that I had stolen 75% of her brain which later increased to 90%.  She is so funny.  

But every second of the fashion presentation seemed to give me wings as I was lifted, removed from my present circumstances to where that dream was still vibrant.  I was surprised at how alive it was, and   I was eager to move into the weekend so I could design some fabric for a dress design that swirled and swirled in my mind, during the show.  I started the fabric design but was disappointed that Adobe Photoshop Elements does not allow one to create more than about two yards at a time.  But I am determined to come up with a solution.  If I don't, that darn design will haunt me until I do!

I took the opportunity to absorb, to holistically breathe in every moment of the time gifted there.  Then it hit me, and hit me hard . . .

I HAD FUN!  I HAD FUN!  I HAD FUN!

The tears began to flow and I was excited... another strange feeling!  I cannot recall the last time I had FUN and was so excited about anything.  Well, I am excited about the children's book, but that has yet to come to fruition.  There is still so much work and I still do not have a team to help me; but, as I stated, I refuse to ask anyone in my circle of influence again. Nnnnope!

But this event was right here in the now and that was amazing! And a feeling I will embrace for as long as I can, as long as I am allowed.

THANK YOU, LORD!  And thank you, Susan, for kidnapping me.  :-)

Looping and Writing from Pain to Passion...Part II

So, it is Monday evening--again.  Loneliness and silence after hours of stress and waste...again.  DARN, is it November 5, 2012 or September 5, 2011?  Feels exactly the same with another Tuesday to face and waste for someone else who could care less about me as ME...I just need to show up and do another day's work until yet another Friday that feels as if I'm in the Twilight Zone or some crazy Stephen King story.  Looping. 

Then again, I have been given a story that has demanded to be written but, most important, shared. It has become a mission and my motivation to keep moving forward and not give up/give in to the anguish of losses and loneliness.  God knew.

Wish I knew where the journey was taking me.  Odd path, that it is, especially now that I've been given a glimpse of the second part of the story; namely, Book 2.

Oh, and my application for the trademark has reached phase 2.  How ironic!  lol

However, there is much more work to do on book one, so I am making notes and keeping my ears open and toward the still small voice for guidance.

Back to Jaie.

During our heart-to-heart, what was fiercely expressed through Spirit is that one must follow their dream, their passion.  To do otherwise brings dis-ease.  It is as if the physical body attacks itself as if to say "you have separated this self from the whole of you, so we are not fed...we die." The ever-increasing stress has [and is] taking its toll on us.  I sense that, somewhere along this new path, my healing will come and I encouraged Jaie by insisting that she "must write."  That is her passion and she has neglected it for far too long.  

Through the years, both of us were bombarded with voices insisting that we should do this or do that. The voices meant well, and I know that having so many gifts and talents is puzzling to them because they could not [cannot] fathom why we are not flourishing in at least one of them.  In an odd way, those voices rang and ring with the same cadence as a mob of Job's well-meaning friends.  I wonder what would have happened if those voices would have stopped and listened to the Greater Still Small Voice.  Most assuredly they would have heard something like "shhhhh...ask them to open their ear to Me."  Hmmm...come to think of it, the echoes of their full of good intention voices probably blocked the GSSV.  Heck, I can still hear those voices sometimes and it has been the source of much confusion and anger in my life, and probably for Jaie.  But for me, the voices are ghostly whispers now.

Maybe the loneliness, the unwanted aloneness, has created a power to silence those voices so I could hear [one early morning] "The Land of Buttons and Bows" that the journey would begin.  So it did.

My prayer for dear Jaie is that somehow the power manifests for her that will silence those voices so she, too, will awaken one morning to hear the GSSV and her journey begins.

Healing for us both, I pray.  And if this bit resonates with you, I pray the same for you.

Looping and Writing from Pain to Passion

It is Monday morning and, once again, I have started the dreaded "loop" of another week of work but now making the valiant attempt to squeeze in what I truly enjoy--writing.  Well, one of many creative passions, that is.  Now, however, has been the season to write, to be open to what demands to be written: THE LAND OF BUTTONS AND BOWS.

Yesterday, I enjoyed a wonderful and enlightening conversation with an old friend who lives on the east coast.  Jaie.  An exceptionally brilliant person, wife, and mother who is now suffering with an illness that is attempting to sap the life out of her.  But she is not a quitter and will do what she must to heal. 

Never again

The Silence has taught me never to ask for help from another soul in my circle of influence ever again.

It's just Him and me, and I WILL-CAN DO this project. 

IF there are others ordained to assist me, then they will come forward on their own or I will solicit help from strangers and pay them their due.

For whatever the reasons, I was never blessed with a genuine support system, which puzzled my doctors.  Heck, when they made that assessment after hours and hours of consultations, that fact shook me but I saw it...all of it.  I was always expected to be their for others, even when my baby was killed. There was no comfort, just the demand to comfort others who were affected.

Lord, what do we do next?  And I will leave the "how" to You.

Back to bed...the alarm goes off in just a few short hours.

Another challenging day

The weekend was somewhat stressful with concerns about my mother, cousin, other family members, and my illustrator, Robert Sauber, and his family.  SANDY's rage up the eastern seaboard has definitely wreaked more havoc than I first imagined. Power outages and flooding are my major concern because I know they all have enough sense not to be out and about in the storm as if it were just another thunderstorm.  I have yet to hear from anyone and that can be either good or bad news.  The stress beat me down yesterday so I did not make it to work, but cannot afford another day in so I am preparing for work, ready or not.

My other stressor is the reaction or lack thereof when those I know read the manuscript.

SILENCE... DEAD SILENCE.  Neither yay nor nay, just nothing.

Since this is HIS book and not mine, I need to focus on leaving it all in His Hands, because this is one puzzle I cannot put together.  I will just need to rely on those who gave me positive feedback and loads of encouragement.  :-)

Tuesday, here I am!

Asking for Help

Although the work required to create this campaign is intense and tiresome, my greatest challenge is learning to ask for help.  So often in the past when I have asked someone to help me, there were strings attached or there were excuses, AKA "Nos." Therefore I learned not to ask but have stretched myself to do so recently and, as usual, I've been stung with the same.

But THIS project.

Certainly given to me by Him, which I first viewed as quite humorous; yet now I know this assignment was to stir me, to motivate me, because He knows better than anyone how I feel about every gift and talent bestowed upon me--that they are great responsibilities.

THE LAND OF BUTTONS AND BOWS is not just a children's picture book but it is my responsibility to bring it to light, to share it; and, if that means I must drown my fears of asking for help in the depths of this awesome responsibility, then so be it.  I will not, however, accept the strings but I will take on the excuses because I know there are thousands who will say yes in some form or other; and I know this to be true because this is His gift to our children and to those with the heart of a child.

At 4:00am on October 11, 2009, the third anniversary of my son's memorial service, I was struggling to sleep and heard words and phrases that sounded like proverbs, but none I had ever read.  Knowing I would not be permitted to sleep until I grabbed pen and paper, I surrendered.  This one came to mind while composing this today...

"I Win because I Can; and I Can because I was created Capable."

I will WIN because HE WINS, and this is His book. (I will not touch His Glory.)
I CAN because The Creator made be CAPABLE.

Therefore, I conclude that this is our Will-Can Do Moment, and we look forward to sharing this creative collaboration with those He intends to bless with fun, giggles/chuckles/laughter, lesson(s), or  encouragement to take on your own Will-Can Do Moments.

Here I am...I think

As part of my continual push to have The Land of Buttons and Bows funded and published, I am told I need a blog.  Sooooo, here it is and here I am...I think.

November 2012 marks the second Picture Book Month and I hope many are supporting this endeavor.